Today is the birthday of my mother. She’s 58 now. Parang kahapon lang.. Dati, lahat ng gusto namin, binibili ng nanay namin.. Now, lahat ng gusto nya, kami na bumibili! Madami nagbago, pero madami din bagay bagay ang hanggang ngayon eh ganun pa rin. She still calls her 3 boys from time to time, to check if they have eaten already. She still buys useless junk for us, tapos pag di namin ginamit, sa kanya din napupunta. Mautak eh noh? She still has this temper that most people are wary of. Wag na wag mo gagalitin ang nanay ko cos when she gets mad, it’s either she calls the dark spirits and curse you for life, or she calls her lawyer. Sa korte kayo mag-usap.

My mom won’t be reading this blog post (pag nabasa neto yun, papagalitan ako kase post ko pics nya sa net), and would probably never realize how she means to me, to us.. But I just want to greet the world’s most awesome mom on her birthday..

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MI!!

That’s what we call her.. Not “mommy”, not “mom”.. Just “MI”….

All of us in the family are very thankful that up to this day, she’s still with us. Year 2000, we thought she would be leaving us already. Both her kidneys failed, and it was that bad we thought she wouldn’t survive the treatment. Naalala ko pa, 3 times I went with her for her dialysis sessions, and one time she cried. I told her.. “Mi, wag ka umiyak, di yan masyado masakit”.. She smiled at me and said.. “Di ako umiiyak kase baka masakit, umiiyak ako kase baka mawala na ako, paano na kayo?”

That’s my mom. Lagi nya kami inuuna bago sarili nya. She will fight a thousand men with her bare hands to protect her children. She will bitch at anyone if she felt we were wronged. And she will spend her last cent to buy things that will make us happy… She has her flaws as a human being, she will admit to that. But as a mother, she’s perfect.

It’s 2006 now, 6 years and her kidney transplant is still ok. Ang taba na nga nya eh. We all undertook a complete medical check-up last year and surprisingly, sya ang pinaka-ok samen o di ba?

God never fails to answer our prayers. And I’m sure he will listen again this time..

“Lord, I humbly ask for your care, guidance and protection. Not for me, but for my mom. Give her strength when she feels tired and weary. Make her smile when things aren’t going right. Make her enjoy and spend the remaining years of her life, with her loving husband, children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren in joy”

And to you mom….

“Mi, you always tell us.. You are not afraid anymore because you have lived a good life… Let us repay you, by living good lives as well. I know when we are happy and content, you are happy too. Maligayang Kaarawan!”

Pero… Next year ka na bumalik dito ha? Di pa ako nakaka-recover sa shopping binge mo dati eh, taragis.

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Imagine there is a bank which credits your account each morning with $86,400, carries over no balance from day to day, allows you to keep no cash balance, and every evening cancels whatever part of the amount you had failed to use during the day. What would you do? Draw out every cent, of course!

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How come I don’t feel anything? How come I don’t feel bad?

Before I used to sulk in one corner, or stair at blank walls and ask myself questions.. Now, I’m chatting with old friends on YM as if everything is normal.. Well, everything’s normal as far as I’m concerned. When this kind of shit happens to you all the time, you get used to it and everything becomes routinary. Kumbaga, nasanay ka na.. Bato na.. Wala ng pakiramdam..

When there are more bad experiences than good, letting go shouldn’t be hard at all. All you have to do is think of the things she did, things she kept secret but you eventually found out, things that were said, but weren’t done, and the times she bored you to death, and you will forget the rest. Letting go will be a breeze.

I’m a bit disappointed though. I should be reminiscing the good things that happened in the past. I’m the type of person who likes to look back, and savor the memories of the good old days..

What am I saying?? There’s no past.. Everything was a joke.. Simply because, I NEVER EXISTED.

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I miss DJing. I don’t miss the booze, nor the girls. I just miss playing in front of an appreciative crowd.

Music is a religion. A club is a temple. And the DJ is GOD.

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Went to Al-fair CBD a while ago to buy detergent. Naubusan na kasi ako, at kailangan ko ng tapusin yung nakababad sa washing machine. I even wrote the items that I really need to buy, para lang mabilis and i’ts not my sked yet to replenish my supplies at home..

Yan ha! malinaw na malinaw.. air freshener, bread, detergent, food.. yan lang dapat bibilhin ko.. and somehow I ended up with this:

Waaaaaah!!!!!!! Clearly,  something’s not right! How did I end up buying all these useless crap?? wet ones? block and white? (as if may pag-asa pa ako pumuti), blank cassette tape??? Eh wala naman ako cassette player and everyone uses CDRs now.. Haay buhay..

I think there are dark forces out there that’s beyond my control. It is slowly, but effectively draining my wallet without me knowing.

I won’t make a list anymore. I always end up buying the ones not on the list dammit!

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