TEACHER: Class draw a fish!
CLASS: Yes ma’am!
TEACHER: Pedro, why is ur drawing very dirty?
PEDRO: Ma’am, bagoong po yan.

Pulis at Intsik:
Pulis: boss konting abuloy lang, may namatay na pulis.
Intsik: ako malaki migay amuloy masta alaw-alaw melon pulis paktay oke?”

Tanga: kamusta yung exam mo?
Bobo: wala ako nasagutan, blanko yung papel ko. Ikaw?
Tanga: naku, blangko din yung papel ko, baka sabihin ni titser, nagkopyahan tayo

Misis: Hoy! Tama na yang beer mo masyado ka magastos
Mister: Ikaw make-up mo ang magastos
Misis: Nagpapaganda ako para syo
Mister: Ako umiinom naman para gumanda ka!

May bagong kasal:
Misis: Honey malapit na tayong maging 3 dito sa bahay
Mister: Talaga honey? Pinasaya mo ako sa balita mo
Misis: Oo dito na titira ang nanay ko!

Reporter: Sir, kung wala po kayong evidence, witness or suspect ano na po ang next step ninyo??
Police: DNA na.
Reporter: sir, ano po yung DNA??
Police: Di Namin Alam

Man 1: Away kami ni misis, nag-Historical siya
Man 2: Pare baka ang ibig mo sabihin ay nag-Hysterical
Man 1: Hinde, historical kasi inungkat lahat ng kasalanan ko!

A black baby is given a pair of wings by a fairy..
Baby: Does this mean I am an angel???
Fairy: (laughs) of course not! tong negrang to! ambisyosa! PANIKI ka!!

In a party, a handsome guy approached a girl and asked; are you going to dance??
The girl felt so happy that someone finally asked her and she said; “yes!”
and the guy said “that’s good, can I have your chair??”

Boy: Nay! Muntik na ako maging top one sa klase!
Nanay: Bat mo naman nasabi?
Boy: Ini-announce kasi kanina yung top one sa klase. Ang tinuro ni ma’am yung katabi ko. Muntik na ako!

Bongbong: Pare sinong idol mo?
Chavit: Si Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Bongbong: Sige nga, spell Schwarzenegger.
Chavit: Hindi, joke lang pare, si Jet Li talaga idol ko.

Erap writing on a slum book:
Favorite Actor:
Arnold Scharzene…… (erase)
Arnold Schwarze…… (erase)
Arnold Schwarzz…… (erase)
Arnold Shwazenne……(erase)
Arnold Shwazenner……(erase)
Arnold Shwarzenneg……(erase)
Arnold Schchwarzenne…… (erase)
Arnold Clavio

Sa isang ospital…
Lola (may cancer): Doc, anong gagawin nyo sa akin?
Doc: Che-chemo, lola.
Lola: Titi mo rin! Bastos ka! walang modo!

Holduper: Pili ka, wallet mo o pasabugin utak mo?
Biktima: Ikaw na bahala. Basta pareho po yan walang laman!

Pare 1: Pare, bat naman hanggang ngayon wala ka pang syota? wala ka pa bang napupusuan?
Pare2: Meron.. Manhid ka lang!

Sa isang mumurahing airline:
Stewardess: Sir, would you like some dinner?
Passenger: Ano ba ang mga choices?
Stewardess: ‘Yes’ or ‘No’ lang po.

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A Z R A E L :  Husband. Father. Son. Expat. DJ. Storyteller. Amateur Photographer. Vermin Exterminator. Bounty Hunter. Asskicker. Pornstar. Hustler. Professional Bullshitter.

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