At dahil sa mahirap na ang buhay ngayon, naisipan ko noong isang araw na humanap ng raket dito sa bansang pinagtatrabahuhan ko. Yun bang sideline na hindi magko-conflict sa aking busy sched sa tarabaho (busy?? eh lagi nga akong maagang umuuwi araw-araw :B ). Anyway, may nakita akong isang advertisment sa isang local newspaper. Ang nakalagay:

Wanted: Asian Man preferably Thai, Chinese, or Filipino to join an all male show group that will perform 4 nights a week at the most happening place in the city!

Sigurado akong hindi ito grupo na ala-chippendales dahil bawal yan dito. At kung all-male group, sigurado boyband yan!

Aba! pasok ako dito dahil isa akong Pinoy at talentado ako at kamukha ko si Justin Timberlake kapag nananaginip. Naisip ko lang, baka ito na ang pinakahihintay kong pagkakataon para sumikat at makamtam ang matagal ng pangarap na magakapagsayaw at kumanta sa libo-libong manonood ala Backstreet Boys o Boyzone!! (Buhay pa ba ang mga grupo na yan? Sensya na yang ang nakagisnan ko eh bwahahaha!)

Nagpunta ako sa opisina ng nagpalathala ng advertisment na yan sa dyaryo. Todo japorms ang lolo nyo na nagpakilala sa mga taong nandoon. Tinanong ko ang isang staff ng office kung mayroong mga nag-apply na. Meron na daw pero hindi raw natanggap dahil hindi bagay ang image para sa grupo, masyadong bata pa, kulang sa sex appeal at kung ano ano pang dahilan. Maya-maya pa, lumabas ang talent scout or whatever you call him, at nagsimula na akong tanungin ng kung anu-ano.

Talent Scout: Why are you trying out for the position?
AZRAEL: Because I think I have the talent. (I also need money to buy a brand new DSLR camera system, and I need funds for my bloghosting because people don’t want to click the ‘donate’ button on the sidebar and I’m running out of options - lol hindi ko sinabi yan, nagpaparingig lang ako sa inyo hmmp!)
Talent Scout: really now…
AZRAEL: Yep. Seriously.
Talents Scout: And what talent or talents would those be?
AZRAEL: I can sing. I have a decent singing voice for I used to be in a band during college, and a choir in high school. I can dance as well, and I’m pretty much in touch with the music world for I was a DJ once.
Talent Scout: Hmmm.. good good. Can you sing a line for me?
AZRAEL: Sure..

*bumanat ng “one sweet Day” by Boyz II Men*

Talent Scout: That was great!
AZRAEL: Thanks.
Talent Scout: Could you show me some moves? I want to see you dance.
AZRAEL: Ok, but I don’t really know the new dance steps now. I’m more of an oldskul kinda guy, but I’m sure I’ll learn easily.
Talent Scout: Go for it!
AZRAEL: Ok..

*sumayaw ng running man at roger rabbit at nag-astang parang sina MC Hammer, Bobby Brown at Milli Vanilli combined*

Talent Scout: Uhmm… Oh.. That’s really old school mate! But.. hmmmm.. nice.
AZRAEL: *panting* Thanks! Want me to show you my moonwalk ala Michael Jackson????
Talent Scout: NO.. That would be enough for now. *medyo pasigaw*
AZRAEL: Ok.. *simangot with pouting lips*

Matapos ang ilan pang tanungan at sagutan, nakaramdam ako ng kompiyansa na tanggap ako sa posisyon ng boyband na ito. Nasilip ko rin ang iba pang lahi na nasa labas at naghihintay na mainterview, at kung ikukumpara ko ang kapogian ko sa kanila, malaki ang tsansa na ako din ang maging lead ng banda (lol)

Tinanong ko si talent Scout:

AZRAEL: If you don’t mind me asking, what would be the name of the group?
Talent Scout: Ah! good thing you asked me that. I almost forgot to tell you. The group will be called SPICEBOYS!

Spiceboys?? Bwahahaha! Bukod sa hindi original eh laos na kaya ang grupong pinaggayahan ng pangalang ito. Pero.. pwede na rin! Raket din to hindi na ako aangal!

Idinagdag pa ni Talent Scout:

“If you get accepted in the group, you will be joining 4 other men of Indian, Pakistani, Sri Lankan and Bangladeshi origins, with exactly the same talent as yours, performing twice a night, 4 nights a week at the Intercon or the Grand Hyatt. You will be paid a good amount of money and you will be signed by this company for a 6 months contract.”

*abot tenga ang ngiti sa background habang nagsasalita si Scout*

“But. You need to pass one last test.”

AZRAEL: Oh… And what would that be?
Talent Scout: You need to eat these, finish the bowl in one sitting, then sing and dance like crazy afterwards.

Kaya pala SPICEBOYS ampft! Isang grupo ng mga kalalakihan na papakainin ng tone-toneladang sili gabi-gabi habang lumuluha sa pagkanta at pagsayaw, at sumumuska ng dugo para pagtawanan ng mga manood!

HINDI NA OY!!

Nagpaalam ako ng matiwasay kay talent Scout kahit na gusto ko syang pitikin sa ilong.

AZRAEL: Sorry. I’m not up to this. Goodluck to you, your boys, your band. HAPPY HEMORRHOIDS TO YOU ALL! Bye!

At lumakad akong palayo sa lugar na ‘yon, na nakayuko at naluluha dahil bigo na naman ang aking pangarap. :worry:

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